I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
