Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
