the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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