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i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
