After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
