you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
