mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
