You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
