my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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