did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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