It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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