i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
