We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
