I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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