I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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