I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
