That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
