you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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