You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
