As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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