Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The air was thick with penises
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
