In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
