He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
