I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
