he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my being single is dangerous.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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