He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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