Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
