dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Quick, to the slutcave!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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