I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
