i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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