Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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