those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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