I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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