Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
