i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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