Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
