foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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