Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
