3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
