dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
