I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize