the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize