margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
