True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
