I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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