ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize