i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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