I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
