I cannot find my penis.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize