I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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