ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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