I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
