Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
no. you can't hotbox the world.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize