I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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