You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
