I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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