on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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