she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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