super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
