i used baking grease as lip gloss
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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