My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
