Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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