You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So squirting runs in the family.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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