omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
