If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
