I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
