so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
