exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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