Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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