i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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