and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
