I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
