did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I smell like Dick and happiness
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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