Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
