wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
