We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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